My Fear of Becoming Passive

What is worse than becoming passive in your thoughts? Sometimes I feel like I’m slipping into less active thoughts, hopes, and dreams. I worry a lot whether or not I am who I once was – creative, exploring, intuitive, confident. But then sometimes I don’t do anything to change it. I used to spend hours learning the drums. I wrote daily about anything I was excited about, was learning, or was feeling. I spent the weekends hanging out with the friends I loved. It seems like my childish, curious days were strongest then – from birth till the end of high school. I loved it…high school included!

What has changed that has made me less of a seeker? I sought with all my heart, soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength in Fall of 2009. Before that I wasn’t happy, content, or joyous in any way. I was fairly unmotivated, except by things that brought me recognition and glory. After that change, I’m completely happy, content, and joyous, and I’m working on the motivated part.

Am I afraid of saying I’ll live completely, unabashedly for my Savior? Am I more afraid of being skeptical, or unique, or memorable, or of making mistakes than I was in the past? (The headline of this blog used to read “I’m not weird, I’m just memorable.”) It is interesting to note that the one thing I lived for when I first rejected God was to establish a remembrance, ‘leave a mark’ per say.

The last thing God wants from us is our worldly desires – he doesn’t care if we want to be remembered on earth. The only thing that matters is how WE remember HIM daily. How do I continue to strive for excellence and new experience when my motivation is in a whole new form? Should I not be motivated all the more, now that I live for my Heavenly Papa?

I’m not sure if God feels insulted often, but if I gave my heart to him and then decided to live like a lump, I think he may get angry…? Well, perhaps… His love IS perfect…

And what’s more is that we’re called to that perfect love. Christ wants us to be like him, and he was completely flawless. It wasn’t his worldly qualities (“Oh, look at his perfect nose”) that mattered, but the perfect love and knowledge he brought to us. I wonder if we’d recognize astonishing love like that if it walked into our world today…

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2 Responses to My Fear of Becoming Passive

  1. Hans Nordgren says:

    P.S. Everything in parentheses are my own words and thoughts…just so you aren’t confused by quotations and such. 🙂 {First off, I will start by saying that even if you think that hunger is not there, I still see it and know it is there.)

    (Secondly, I am in the middle of reading “Crazy Love” by Fancis Chan. This guy is very passionate in his writing and I can only guess that it is the passion that comes from one source: God. Here is a section that this reminds me of and I hope it applies to what you are thinking and saying in this, but if it doesn’t, I don’t care, I’m writing it anyway.) 😉

    In one area, Chan quotes scripture: “First Corinthians 10:31, “So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” Then he continues: “Frankly, you need to get over yourself. It might sound harsh, but that’s seriously what it means. Maybe life’s pretty good right for you right now. God has given you this good stuff so that you can show the world a person who enjoys blessings, but who is still totally obsessed with God.
    Or maybe life is tough right now, and everything feels like a struggle. God has allowed hard things in your life so you can show the world that your God is great and that knowing Him brings peace and joy. … It is easy to become disillusioned with the circumstances of our lives compared to others’. But in the presence of God, He gives us a deeper peace and joy than transcends it all.
    To be brutally honest, it doesn’t really matter what place you find yourself in right now. Your part is to bring Him glory- whether eating a sandwich on a lunch break, drinking coffee at 12:04 a.m. so you can stay awake, or watching your four-month-old take a nap.
    The point of your life is to point to Him. Whatever you are doing, God wants to be glorified, because this whole thing is His. It is His movie(an example from earlier in the chapter), His world, His gift.”

    (Everything is His and nothing is ours. So, why do we act like everything should be ours and strive for that goal? I mean really,) “In about fifty years, no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, or what clothes your wore.” (Why is it that we are so caught up in material things when it really doesn’t matter? Is it to bring us glory? Or is it to bring God glory? Most probably not the second…)

    As a pastor, I’m often called upon when life “vanishes like a mist.” One of the most powerful examples I’ve seen of this was Stan Gerlach, a successful businessman who was well known in the community. Stan was giving a eulogy at a memorial service when he decided to share the gospel. At the end of his message, Stan told the mourners, “You never know when God is going to take your life. At that moment, there’s nothing you can do about it. Are you ready?” Then Stan sat down, fell over, and died. His wife and sons tried to resuscitate him, but there was nothing they could do- just as Stan had said a few minutes earlier.
    I’ll never forget receiving that phone call and heading over to the Gerlach house. Stan’s wife, Suzy, was just arriving home. She hugged me and cried. One of her sons, John, stepped out of the car weeping. He asked me, “Did you hear the story? Did you hear? I’m so proud of him. My dad died doing what he loved doing most. He was telling people about Jesus.”
    I was asked to share a word with everyone gathered. There were children, grandchildren, neighbors, and friends. I opened my Bible to Matthew 10:32-33: “Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before me, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.”
    I asked everyone to imagine what it must have felt like for Stan. One moment, he was at a memorial service saying to a crowd, “This is who Jesus is!” The next, he was before God hearing Jesus say, “This is who Stan Gerlach is!” One second he is confessing Jesus; a second later, Jesus was confessing him!
    It happens that quickly. And it could happen to any of us. In the words of Stan Gerlach, “Are you ready?””

    …A poem by Brooke Bronkowski called “Since I have my life before me”
    I’ll live my life to the fullest. I’ll be happy. I’ll brighten up. I will be more joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to others. I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles.
    You see, I’ll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, I’ll have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In fact that’s all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest. I’ll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back. I’ll set an example for others, I will pray for direction.
    I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy. I will do everything God tells me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best!!!

    …During her freshman year in high school, Brooke was in a car accident while driving to the movies. Her life here on earth ended when she was just fourteen, but her impact didn’t. Nearly fifteen hundred people attended Brooke’s memorial service. People from her public high school read poems she had written about her love for God. Everyone spoke of her example and her joy.
    I shared the gospel and invited those who wanted to know Jesus to come up and give their lives to Him. There must have been at least two hundred students on their knees at the front of the church praying for salvation. Ushers gave a Bible to each of them. They were Bibles that Brooke had kept in her garage, hoping to give out to all her unsaved friends. In one day, Brooke led more people to the Lord than most ever will.”

    (David, our life is merely a flash. Literally. We get so caught up in day-to-day ordeals that we forget that we aren’t here to be busy. We are here to glorify God, and if what we involve ourselves in can’t be used by us to glorify God, then we must inquire of ourselves why it is that we are involved in that. God wants to penetrate every pore of every part of us that ever is and ever will be. He wants to be our driving force, our motivation. He wants us to turn away from our own desires and do what He desires. I’m not saying that quitting everything is or should be considered here, but if there is no way that things you are involved in are glorifying to God, then most certainly they should be considered and prayed about. I want and have always wanted your relationship with our Master, God, to be of utmost importance to you, the hope that drives, and the unyielding determination to press on and persevere. God wants you. Not just in the morning for five minutes(or even an hour). God wants to be in your thoughts every second of every day(night and day). “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Hide God’s word in your heart. Let Him guide you in every moment. And always keep in perspective what matters. If one thing is dominating in such a way that God has no place, leave that and move on. But never forget to include God. Peace and Love, Hans)

  2. Stan Meyers water feul technology, would einailmte the need for oil, coal and nuclear power. These are the biggest industries on earth and they have a monopoly!If Russ and people like him can get this working it will literally free the world. If energy were free and redilly available the cost of manufacturing, transportation and storage would be nearly nothing.I dont think it was a hoax, and its so world changing that it must be reproduced!

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