-I didn’t make this up but I salute whoever did-
C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.
The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.”
So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.
The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.”
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest – and closes the bar.
Think on that one. Someone really thought to come up with all that.
RSS feeds own.
They own your soul 😉
BTW: Have you showed up on Google yet?
LOL
wow.
that was glorious!
now heres my turn…
so a pirate walks into a bar with a giant wooden helm (ship steering wheel) shoved in his pants in a most akward position. the pirate looks much disgruntled, and generally uncomfortable.
so the bartender says “hey there my pirate brethren, that doesnt look very practical.”
and the pirate goes “YAR! ITS DRIVIN ME NUTS!”
haha
get it??
nuts.
haha.
whew. gets me every time.
free state cross country kicks bootayy. ok, now my turn:
if any of these ring a bell, you’re a redneck:
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
hopefully those will give you some giggles. -katie b
you want bar jokes? you can have bar jokes…
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
“How do you know this, Sister?”
“My Mother Superior told me so.”
“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself”
“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”
“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!”
“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.”
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”
“Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?”
by the way…you haven’t gotten me any mars volta music yet, and i have no effing idea where to find it..man, in your [about] page you are a cocky little idiot…to make myself feel better…you are reading the writing of the best english choral music guru of my age in the state of kansas!!! then again, katie and i are probably the only freshman in the state of kansas who give a shit about herbert howells and c v stanford…but i am a freaking good mallet player…woot. i might make varsity for cross country, or i’ll be top jv. freshman. woot woot. c u sunday, underweight, cocky drummer. haha jkjk